Andu|Blog

“Justin…Justin, can you hear me Justin?”

Light peaked into his vision, took some time to focus the image, but it got there, someone wearing a white coat.

White…first thought that jumped into his head was “I should have believed the Christians, I should have believed in god, now the angels are going to shoot me down to hell, because I was a non-believer”

“Please, I don’t want to go to hell, can I do something to make it up to you?” He spoke with all his energy.

The person in white looked at him with a puzzled face and said :”son, welcome back to the real world, I’m Dr. Ting, how are you feeling?”

“i’m not dead?”

“Not just yet…”

As the vision continues to focus, he realized where he was.

The curtains were closed, but he could tell it was still dark. He started to remember it all, the whole happening.

He felt restricted, as he couldn’t move, and it ached everywhere, but the sight of the peaceful room was a nice change from the fright.

Sitting in the corner, a girl, sleeping peacefully on her knees.

Someone he couldn’t recongize.

The doctor understood the puzzled look and said:”She’s the girl that drove you here, is she your girlfriend? Such a nice girl.”

He didn’t know who she was, although, there’s something about her that made it all so familiar.

Maybe the sound of this conversation woke her up, she slowly sat up.

And right there.

It could be the best moment of his life.

Right there.

He wished this was not a dream.

Right there.

He was ecstatic.

That face, that girl, that smile…

It was her.

He somehow knew this was all a dream, and he is still lying on the beach sleeping.

But the pain on this body told him, this was no dream at all.

“Hey, you woke up” She said.

“…”

He had nothing to say

“How are you feeling?”

“..”

He could not find the words

As the doctor slowly exist the room, she approached the bed still holding that nice perfect smile.

“My name is Jessica, and I have your car keys?”

“…no way” he thought..

“I hid away for a whlie, after he ran away from you, i drove you here.”

“…” *blinks* “…”

“Well, not very friendly are you…thanks..”

“..”

“Thanks….for..that…yea..”

She turned around, swung her hair around, walked towards the door.

“No don’t go, stay with me~!” He didn’t speak such words.

He watched

Tried his best to process all.

He couldn’t

How can he be so lucky? Well, not lucky considering the state his in, but her. It was really her, smiling at him. Talking to him, introducing herself to him. Maybe even carried him… That thought could have melted him, if his body wasn’t so stiff.

She left. He didn’t get the chance to even say bye.

His such an idiot. First chance she took the initiative to talk, and he had nothing to say.

She left. Only thing he could do was watch the swinging door.

…

Days past, injuries recovered.

All his skin, flesh and blood was back, but something was missing.

Going to lectures everyday, he would always reach there extra early, and observe everyone who comes in.

She wasn’t there.

She never came.

She doesn’t usually skip lectures. But it had been days without even the sight of her anywhere.

He pondered on the thought of whether it was all just a dream. A dream from his creative mind.

He couldn’t stop thinking about her, even if she was imaginary, she was perfect. But if she was imaginary, then she would be perfect.

The emptiness took the best of him. Until one day.

He saw her, sitting under a maple tree, face buried in a dictionary sized book.

“Roadmap to the mind” it said.

“I didn’t know she was doing civil engineering…” He told himself.

“Hey~! Jessica” He called out.

She looked up, puzzled.

“Justin. Remember me?”

“Just..Justin~! oh it’s you~! Sorry i couldn’t recognize you without the bandages on your face…haha” “Glad to see you made a full recovery.”

“Heh, yea. Well, how come I haven’t seen you around in lectures anymore?”

“I um…took a few weeks off, to sort things out with myself…and I transfered course too.”

“Transfered why?”

“Well, i’m doing Psychology now, after what I’ve been through, and all the people that’ve helped me, it made realize how interesting the human mind is, and I would like to help people as well”

“hm..”

“there’s your speechless again.”

“Oh, yea sorry. Um.. that’s too bad, enjoying it tho?”

“Yea, it’s so much more interesting~! =D”

“That’s good Hey, I always wanted to ask this, sorry to bring this up, but who was the guy, you knew him?”

*Sigh*”It was..my boyfriend.” “We were on our 2nd year anniversary date, it was a bit late, because we all were so busy with work..”

“:|, your boyfriend? Why..what..why?”

“I guess he just got caught up in the moment”

“^o)”

“Well. We are fine now… :D”

“You what? still with him?”

“Yees~! hehe, he just made a mistake, and we still love each other very much..”

He could have died on the spot. Thinking of saving her from her brutal bf would have won her love, or at least break up something, but to his surprise, he actually toughened the relationship.

This is his life, all through out, he we face something exciting, and soon after it will be brought down by something else.

He was use to disappointments and failures.

But not this..this was over the moon.

Out of the blue, a force was exerted onto his left shoulder, a force he was familiar of…

Scared to turn around, but he did, and saw. It was him. Her boyfriend.

Knees trembling, he didn’t know what to say.

“You…um….yea…i’m just leaving now….um…..cya..”

“No mate, don’t go” A smile grew on the boyfriend’s face. “I really want to thank you, for that night.”

“Thank me?”

“If it wasn’t for you, I would have made the biggest mistake of my life, and lost the love of my life…Because of you, I didn’t do what I wanted to do, because of you, our lives are still normal, if not better.” “For that, I thank you”

“..”*that’s touching* he thought.. *Your lives are better, but what the fuck happens to me?* He continues to think. *You two are happy, enjoying each other..what do i get?* *Not a freakin thing…* *A few thanks? would that do? nop, would a few thanks smile at me when i’m down?* *No effin way* All these thoughts, of things he wanted to say, but he couldn’t With a joyful couple in front of him, he couldn’t do it.

“Er.. that’s alright, no need to say thanks…” *looked at his watch and went on* “Oh i’m going to be late for a lecture ,bye”

No one has lecture on the half of the hour, but that was the only excuse he could think of to get out of there, get out before he let himself burst out all the things that he wanted to say. He knew, if he does express it out, the girl would be hurt…and that’s the last thing he would want to do.

He ran.

Running, the only thing hes good at.

Running, such a crowdly thing to do. But there’s no other choice.

Ran he did.

As he past a lecture room, he slipt in.

This room was currently closed for demolishing. It was an ancient room, just the place he would want to be, somewhere dim and lack of people.

It was a big room, a 600 people lecture room, due to it’s age, it has to be demolished.

He ran to the middle, kneed down, as it seemed like the easiest and most comfortable position right now.

…..

All the way back to where the girl was at, she could sense there were something wrong. Her eye followed him, witnessed him entering the old room.

She made up an excuse as well, and hurried behind him.

She loved her boyfriend, she was sure.

The boyfriend loved her too, she wanted to be sure of that as well.

But she couldn’t just let a friend who once saved her to be hurt, she had to find out why.

…..

The door swung open.

Seeing him kneeing there, it wasn’t a pleasant sight.

“Are….you…alright?”

He heard her, he saw her, the smile was gone, but the expression of care that’s on her face was still as sweet as ever.

“yea. i’m alright, just…..i guess everyone else..is….late to lecture?”

With this, tears fell from his face…

He never cried in front of a girl before, it was one of his morals, but this time, it was too hard to hold it in.

Her footstep approached, and one of her hand landed on his shoulder. Patted.

It was more than a comfort pat. It felt more like sympathy and apology.

“I am sorry..”

“ddd.on’t be” Cold shiver rushed through his body.

“I do love him tho..” After saying that…she turned around and started to walk off.

He couldn’t help himself anymore, and slammed his fist into the years old wood floor.

Such shock sent through to the near by black board that’s hanging on the wall.

It shook..

It became unstable…

It fell.

In that split second, he could see from the corner of his eyes, that the board is falling directly at her.

The size of the board would crush her to bits….

Without thinking, he found himself on his feet, pushing her out of the way.

The board slammed down. And broke into pieces upon impact.

Such impact….made sure this would be the last lecture he would ever attend.

Using his very last strength, looked up, at the girl on the ground in front, clearly in shock..

“I do …..Love…..”

That’s all he could do…

Even on his last moment, the situation didn’t let him to express his true feelings.

Fate some would call it…It was just not meant to be….

“If you truly love someone, you set them free, He was free, and along setting her free…”

….the end….

…….

As someone requested a happy ending:

Since his out of the couples lives, they lived happily ever after…the end.

As time passed, he tried his best to forget.

To forget her, the one he thought was perfect.

He was not a family wrecker, he doesn’t destroy happiness.

As another wise man once said:”if you truly love someone, you set them free” right?

Easier said than done.

If he loved her enough, her happiness should be his happiness.

If he loved her enough, it doesn’t matter whos arms she’s in, as long as she’s warm.

If he loved her enough, the idea of breaking up her relationship shouldn’t exist at all.

He was confused.

Bewildered, at the choices that faced him.

He wanted the possession of an perfect being, but by doing so, he could destroy that perfect smile on her face.

He was baffled.

Flabbergasted, at the fact of not being able to have what he wants.

He sat there, in the corner of his room, ear plugs plugged in to block all the noises outside.

He couldn’t take it, his brain is too full of confusions, he had to find a way of relief.

Next thing he knew, his driving towards the east.

For the ocean.

He always liked the ocean, especially at night.

It’s not peaceful, but the lack of population makes the place seem to be the most quiet place on earth.

The vast space mixed with the nice breeze is the best combination that he needs right now.

Thinking about the beach, he drove, ignoring the speed signs, he needed to get there as fast as possible.

It was a long drive, but the thought of the girl made it all seem too short.

He started to believe that his going crazy, over something so trivial. He hated himself.

“I’m pathetic, what’s a girl good for? whining and spending money?” he told himself.

He knew it was true, from all the complaints he receive from the friends, but he couldn’t help it, it wasn’t his fault he was made to be straight, there’s something about girls that fascinates him, something that attracts him, doesn’t even have to be sexual, just spending time with them and watching the smile on their faces makes him happy.

Was this love? He doesn’t know. He always thought that his too young to even understand the meaning of love. Love seemed to be such an deep emotion that unless you have gone through 20 years of pain, you would not understand.

He knew tho, this was a lot more than just an affection towards the opposite sex, lot more.

The thoughts accompanied him all the way to the beach, he arrived, jumped off his car and ran straight for the sandy land.

He sat down, looked up at the clear starry sky, suddenly, all the questions seemed to have been erased away. The world seems to simple and beautiful.

He could not help but to think, this all would be even more perfect, if she was sitting there with him, next to him, sharing this all so wonderful time.

…

Such thoughts were disturbed, by the sound coming from down the beach. He was startled, as never before there was people there at that time.

The disturbance came from a female, he could tell, as her cry of rejection sounded just some what desperate.

He didn’t want to check what’s going on, for all he knew, it could be cries of pleasure.

He never liked helping out strangers, as he was brought up with the philosophy that never mind other’s business, because you could end up hurt.

He tried to ignore the noise, hoping it would die out soon. He kept on telling himself, it’s just the girl enjoying her self instead of being in trouble.

He tried to lie to himself, as he knew, it didn’t sound anything like the show his friends watches.

“no~! please, don’t~!” The cry continued, getting desperate by the second.

“I’m warning you luke, if you do anything….” It calmed for a bit.. as it gave her time to scream out such words.

He still sat there, he really didn’t have the balls to check out what’s going on, as he could just picture himself getting stabbed in the heart.

But another thought followed, if the girl is not with him, is there any point to live? Living a life of disappointment and sadness? Seeing the girl everyday but can’t even say hi? There’s nothing really for him to lose.

This gave him the courage, death, for a few seconds, didn’t seem to be that scary anymore.

Without anything to lose, he got up, and slowly ran to source of the sound.

As he got close, he saw the attacker, somewhat forcing himself on the victim on the ground. He couldn’t see their faces due to the darkness of the night, but he knew it was a guy and a girl.

No idea where he grew the balls from to scream:”Hey you~! What the fuck are you doing?”

The cry from the girl suddenly amplified, but it was mixed with a sense of relief.

He could tell the guy was shocked too, the guy looked back at him.

Without the ability to see the guy’s face, he can sense the anger. He was in too deep to turn back now. He got to do what he’s got to do.

“Get the hell off her, what do you think you are doing?”

“What da hell does it look like? Mind your own business~! kid” Barked the male in the darkness

“Doesn’t sound like she’s agreeing to it, get the hell off her”

“Fuck off”

“…” He had nothing to say, he doesn’t usually swear, but today, he had to break some rules.

The man doesn’t seemed to care about his existence, as frankly, he is only 170cm, half the size of the man.

He realized he was being ignored, and he had to help the girl.

Not knowing what to do, he found himself grabbing a handful of sand, and throwing it towards the general area.

Straight after, he knew, that was not a good move:”omg, that was so sissy..”

It certainly got the man’s attention tho.

Without thinking, he charged, towards the man twice his size, he knew it wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but it was the only thing he knew how to do.

*BANG* The impact nearly knocked him out, he fell backwards, the man didn’t move. His whole body ached, the man didn’t move. He already can see the result of this fight, and a really wise man once said :”Never fight a fight you know you can’t win”. 三十六计, 走为上计, He ran.

He ran as fast as possible, using every little bit of energy his got.

He wasn’t stupid tho, before he ran, he slipped his car key to the girl, and nodded.

Running as fast as he could, but the short legs that’s attached to his hips didn’t help the situation one bit. Each step, he could feel the guy catching up to him.

A swoosh of wind, he was down, the pure weight crushed onto him. He feltthe jaws break. Either the shock or the pain, one of them brought a wave of darkness upon him, something that was even darker than the night.

….to be continued….

He approached her.

She’s sitting alone, checking her watch once in a while.

It was a deserted busport, mid day, everyone was at their work side. Them two, being at the same platform at the same time, is simply fate as some might say.

“You got the time?”

“There’s a clock up there” the girl replied, she never liked talking to strangers

“Yea, um. but I don’t trust it, I never trust big digital clocks”

“it’s 12.35″

“Oh damn, I just missed my bus then…”

“…”

“So you taking 421 as well?”

the girl nods

“awesome :D”

Girls smiles a little

“So, going home from uni is it?”

“uh huh” Clearly the girl doesn’t want to continue the conversation. She tried her best giving out every single hint she can think of, keep on checking her watch, looking around, etc.

It doesn’t work

“hey, I like your necklace, where did you get it? It suits you so well”

“Thanks, my boyfriend gave it to me for our 2nd anniversary”

“Oh……that’s sweet.”

She knew that did it, that’s all she had to do, bring up her boyfriend, why didn’t she think of it earlier?

“Well, maybe i should go buy my GIRLFRIEND something nice too.”

“yea you should, that would be nice”

…

that was their first encounter, first conversation.

He doesn’t have a girlfriend, no, it was obvious why he started the conversation.

He doesn’t want to be seen to be like that tho, that’s why he made up the girlfriend.

His not desperate or anything, but the pretty girl sitting there did really catch his attention.

He hasn’t had good experiences with love, it wasn’t something his good at, and again, it failed.

He use to be shy and quiet, waiting for the right one, after lone time of waiting, he realized it wasn’t working. He needs to do what his made out to do. Make a move, fight for what he wants.

Clearly, it’s still not working.

Like the wise man once said, all the good girls are either taken…or had bad experience with love and wouldn’t want another relationship just yet.

…

Days moved on, he nearly forgot about her, until the new semester classes started, and he sees her sitting in the corner of one of his class.

Sitting there alone, gracefully.

What are the chances that the random girl he sees in a busport is doing the same course as him?

zero, he would have thought, but clearly his wrong.

His luck didn’t stop there. The rest of the day, each of the following class, she’s sitting there, lectures, tutes, everything.

He was in heaven, the god of love finally has cut him some slack.

…

The way she walked into class, sitting right into her usual seat,…looking pretty like always….but something was wrong this time, one of the afternoon class, something was different.

It was a guy, a guy sitting next to her, sometimes arm around her.

It smacked him right in the face, her boyfriend.

A guy ten times his size.

He was dumbfounded, there’s nothing he can do, bash him up to win the girl, no way.

Shawshank* his way to her? That could take years, if what she said was true, they already been with each other for 2 years, something that has lasted that long have a great chance of lasting even longer…

There’s nothing he could do, he accepted his fate, god of love teased him a lot, he was use to it.

But the temptation was there, “we always want what we can’t have.”

Couldn’t help himself, he kept on looking at her, through out lectures and tutes…

She looked back, right into his eyes.

That split second, he knew, she was perfect. His heart simply stopped and the blood in his vein are running on adrenaline.

It wasn’t one of them romantic stare, she turned back…and then whispered to her boyfriend…

The boyfriend looked back and caught his eye. That stare was no where near romantic, but frightening.

He looked away, and tried to forget that fierce look that’s burnt into his retina.

At the end of class, when he walked past the couple, the boyfriend intentionally knocked his shoulder, which nearly caused him to fall. Although the guy said a quick sorry, he knew, killer intention was there.

Walking away, looking hopefully at the back shadow of the girl, he can’t let that go…

…to be continued…

*Shawshank, a famous movie, in terms of relationship, it means chip away at an already established relationship until it breaks up.