Andu|Blog

Haha, really have no materials lately, and seriously, I don’t think my day to day life is interesting enough to be on the internet. But today i saw soemthing which really made me laugh..

Right now it’s 11.55pm, and i thought I’d check the tv guide to see if there’s anything good on tv. Like always, there’s nothing good on tv in australia, just as I was about to leave the page, i saw this:

Erotica and Erotica of the Deep

ok, it is late at night, I guess they are allowed to show AV stuff on tv….but what really caught my eye was the rating next to it… (G)… It’s rated G for General audience, that means everyone can watch it. 

Ok, two things went through my head, was the rating guy really really high, or do they just mean general audience who watch tv at this hour of the night…

Anyway, so i had to read what the show is about, to see why it’s rated G…

Ben Cropp takes viewers beneath the surface to discover amazing creatures with weird and wonderful sexual behaviour. See an exotic dancing worm that has a penis inside its mouth which is sharp enough to harpoon its food, a busy little cleaner fish that changes sex to control a harem of females, a father sea horse that incubates the mother’s eggs in his pouch, and a rare paper nautilus with a penis as large as his body which he releases like a missile to home in on the female.

to that, i rofl.

All shot in one day…

All edited under 3 hours…

enjoy it :d

Just how many people does it take to change a light bulb?
We put the question to the students of Perth, and here’s how they replied:

Aquinas - Two. One to mix the martinis and one to phone the electrician.

PLC - One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her

MLC - Four. One to smash the glass ceiling so that they can get to the top of the ladder, one to install the globe and two to check that it’s brighter than PLC’s

Guildford Grammar - Two. One to change the bulb and one to crack under the pressure.

Perth College - Depends, could be one, could be ten, no-one is prepared to commit unless the Guildford Grammar boys are definitely going to be there.

Governor Stirling Senior High - Two. One to change the bulb and one to figure out how to get high off the old one.

St Hilda’s - One. She’ll put through a call to maintenance staff because there’s no way she’s going to do manual labour.

Hale - Two. One to install the new bulb completely powered by testosterone and one to brag about it loudly.

Murdoch Uni - Six. One to change the bulb and five to support its sexual orientation.

Mercedes College - Five. One to change the bulb, two to reassure her that she doesn’t look fat at the top of the ladder and two to circulate photos showing that she does.

Trinity - Sixteen. One to send out the invitations, two to get the beer, one to change the bulb, one to buy Ralph Lauren polo’s for everyone, two to smuggle the chicks in and one to keep watch for the head master. The second eight just need to be ready to back them up.

Swan Valley Christian School - Two. One human and God just to make sure the light shelters all in need, whether it be for food, shelter..blah blah f**kin blah…

Curtin Uni - Five. One to design a nuclear powered one that never needs changing, two to install it, one to write the computer programme that controls the switch and one to rig the vending machine.

WAAPA - Five. One to change the globe and four to do an interpretive dance about it.

CBC Fremantle - None. They’re all too drunk to notice.

Edith Cowan Uni- Eleven. One to change it and ten to share the experience.

Rossmoyne Senior High - Two. One to change the bulb and one to write to the Sunday Times about how she did it as well as any private school student.

Swanview High - None. They’re all down at Midland station having a ciggie.

Eastern Hills Senior High - Ten. One to change it and one to buy the hair gel to impress and ultimately lay the Swanview chicks,while the rest compete wiv da Christian Bruvvers for da turf (Midland Station).

Mirrabooka High - None. That hole looks better in the dark.

UWA - Fifteen. One to change it and the rest to walk around as if they own the place and talk it up.

Bond Uni - Two. One to change it but only after the other one has found an interpreter to translate the English instructions.

Central College of TAFE - 20. One to change the bulb, two to pop down to the markets to buy wool to make a macramé a jacquard shade for it in the new season’s colours, one to photograph the naked bulb in-situ from 300 angles, three to arrange the art exhibition for the jacquard shade, the rest to make vapid comments and drink Great Western ‘champagne’ at the opening.

Muresk Agricultural College - Seventy six. One to change the globe. Fifty to protest the globe’s right not to change and twenty five to stage a counter protest.

New Norcia College - None. Those poor bastards are keeping their backs to the wall even if it means standing in the dark.

St Brigid’s College - Five, one to screw it in, two to laugh about the word screw and two to message the Mazenod boys about it.

Mazenod - Three, one to get word around that the St Brigid’s girls are talking about a screw, one to replace the bulb and one to pray that they get it done in time to beat the local public school boys to the St Brigid’s party.

Christ Church Grammar School - None. It’s too hard to find a new globe with their Armani sunglasses on.

John Curtin Senior High - Two. One student and one teacher but not before they make out.

Balga Senior High School - Five. One to change it and four to cruise the street for the perfect Puff Daddy style outfit to steal off someone to wear for the occasion.

Bunbury Senior High - Five. One to change it, and four to go to Target and nick new flannelette shirts to wear for the occasion.

Girrawheen Senior High School - Ten. One to change the bulb, two to negotiate a pay off to rival gangs to prevent anything going down during the change and the rest to stake out just in case.

Mirrabooka High - Nobody bothered to ask because nobody cares about Mirrabooka High.

Rockingham Senior High - Six. Two to break into the store, one to steal the globe, one to install it and two to help him reach the socket using their pregnant tummies as steps.

Notre Dame Uni - None. They brought notes from their guardians excusing them.

Perth Waldorf Steiner School - One, because she’s a unique, self motivated, individual.

Penhros - Three. One to change it and two to make sure her hair ribbons are still in place afterwards.

Perth Modern - The entire school. One to remove the perfectly good globe, two to work out how to dispose of it so that it’s dolphin safe, one to replace it with candles and the rest to sit on mats and express in words and music how they feel about the change.

St Mary’s Anglican Girls School - The girl who answered the phone said she was pleased to be included with the other schools but probably would never know the answer because her Daddy had said to phone immediately if the maintenance man made any disgusting suggestions.

UWA Conservatorium - Forty Three. One to change the globe and a 42 piece orchestra to accompany him.

Iona Presentation College - Two. One to change the bulb and one to phone daddy to pay for it.

Scotch College- Three. One to put in a formal complaint about the imposition, one to change the bulb and one to make the observation that it isn’t half as bright as the light shining from their arses.

Balcatta High - Four. One to order a Venetian chandelier from her cousin Roberto who owns a lighting warehouse and imports from the old country, one to arrange delivery cause his sister’s husband Tony has an uncle whose mate, Angelo, has a truck, one to put the squeeze on his neighbour Dominic the electrician because he owes him a favour and one to make sure everything is done cash.

———————————-

so true…haha

This is hilarious, not the message sent, but the person it’s from and the person it’s too, hilarious.~! and this is from wilfred the drugged up winnie the pooh to Everlyn

Who ever hacked wilfred’s account, go die in a fire. 

If the LFGF ever needs here, this is their help..

1. You’re like an exothermic reaction,
you spread your hotness everywhere!

2. I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves

3. You¡¯re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!

4. If i was an enzyme, i’d be helicase so i could unzip your genes

5. I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a
fifth fundamental force.

6. Baby, you overclock my processor.

7. Be my queen and mate me with your knight moves.

8. Baby, you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive

9. You make me want to calibrate my joystick without the latest drivers

10.You defragment my life

11. Do you think we can make it a step more serious and disable network
sharing?

12. You must be auxin, cuz u r causing me to have rapid stem elongation.

13. Baby, let me find your nth term

14. I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?

15. Baby i’ll treat you like my hw- I’ll slam you on the table and do you
all night long

16. Hey baby, can i see what’s under your radical?

17. If I were an integral, I’d fill you up.

18. I’m a fermata… hold me

19. I think my heart just lagged.

20. I wish I were your second derivative so i could fill your concavities.

21. did you just combust?? Because you’re HOT!

22. By looking at you I can tell you’re 36-25-36, which by the way are all
perfect squares.

23. It doesn¡¯t take a genius to see how gorgeous you are, but if it did, I
would be overqualified.

24. Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be what they call FINE PRINT!

25. What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed,
subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply

26. Baby, you’re a 9.999999999…but you’d be a 10 if you were with me.

27. Baby, everytime i see you, my cardiovascular system gets all worked up

28. I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.

** 29. What’s your sine? It must be pi/2 because you’re the 1

30. If my right leg was christmas and my left was Easter, would you like to
spend some time between the holidays?

31. You have nicer legs than an Isosceles right triangle.

32. Your so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract. (Muscles that
make you smile)

33. When you and me get together it’s like superposition of 2 waves in
phase.

** 34. Want to meet up so I can excite your natural frequency?

** 35. If I was sin^2 and you were cos^2 together we would be 1

36. You know.. it’s not the length of the vector that counts… it’s how
you apply the force

** 37. If I move my lips half the distance to yours… and then half
again… and again… etc…. would they ever meet? no? Well in this
specific case i am going to disprove your assumption.

38. Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!

39. If i was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or
rough?

40. I wish I was an Ion so I could form an exothermic bond with you.

41. If my right leg is the cell wall and my left the membrane, do you want
to be the cytoplasm?

42. Our love is like dividing by zero…. you cannot define it

43. Lets meet somewhere… you bring your beaker and I’ll bring my stirring
rod

44. Baby let me be your integral so I can be the area under your curves

45. Hey baby, what’s your tanx cosx?

46. Lets get together and test the spring potential of my matress

47. Let’s discover our coefficient of friction

48. Baby, you’re so gneiss I’ll never take you for granite.

** 49. I less than three you….. (i < 3 you)

50. I heard you’re sin because you’re always on top when we make tangent

51. You be Flourine and I’ll be Francium and maybe later I can give you an
electron

52. My sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia tells me I love you

53. Whoops, I think my binomials just expanded

54. I must be Earth and you must be the Sun, cause the closer I orbit, the
hotter you get.

55. Baby I wish I could live on a [integral of 1/cabin d cabin] with you.

56. Excuse me, ma’am, but can I get your seven significant digits?

57. I’m overheating because you’re stuck in my head like an infinite loop.

58. You must be chlorine cause you are polarizing my bond!

59. Baby if you let your acid react with my base, you can count on getting
100 MOLES of my water and salt

60. *i’ll be the one over your cosx an baby, we can have secx!

61. Would you like to enjoy my laptop, I promise I don’t have any
viruses…

62. i’m relativistic: the faster I go, the longer I last.

** 63. That dress would look better accelerating towards the floor at 9.8
m/s/s

64. I’m a star. Wanna taste the Milky Way?

65. I’m attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun-with a
large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.

66. YouTube Myspace and I’ll Google your Yahoo

67. I wanna stick to u like glue-cose

68. Baby, I can feel an attraction between you and me, and it’s more than
just our universal gravitation…

69. I’ll “eye” your pod!

70. B equals T x N. I think you and I should study the T and N planes in
depth

T and N = osculating plane, which literally means the ‘kissing’ plane.

71. If I could rearrange the periodic table, I’d put Uranium and Iodine
together.

(Uraniums symbol is U
and Iodines symbol is I)

72. Baby, we’ve got chemistry together… next period.

73. At absolute zero, you would still move me.

74. Hey baby, your Body and Love waves are rocking my bedding

75. How about we make like the change of base law, with you on the bottom,
and me on top?

** 76. Baby if you were a 6 I would want to be your (reflection about the
x-axis + then reflection about the y-axis) –>9

77. Hey baby if i supply the voltage and you a little resistance, imagine
the current we can make together. (V=IR => (V/R)=I)

78. Baby stop with diet coke, you’ve got plenty of ASSpertame

79. Yo baby, you want to see me solve a quadratic?

** 80. Baby, lim (u->me) ¡ò e^x = f(u)^n.

81. On a scale of 1-10, you’re a solid e to the power of pi

82. I think that convex butts are ALWAYS better than concave butts..you
look toned

83. I wish I was your secant line so I could touch you in at least two
places!

84. Baby ill be your asymptotes so i can shape your curves…

85. Would you like to see the exponential growth of my natural log?

86. If you were a graphics calculator, i’d look at your curves all day
long!

87. Question: Wanna integrate my natural log?
Answer: I’ll have to be one over first…

88. hey girl, let’s get together and figure out our heat of fusion

89. it’s a good thing you’ve got evaporative cooling, cause i’m gonna make
you sweat

90. hey baby, lets figure out the torque of your mass on my rod

91. baby i just drew a pic of you on my ti83 but ur sooo hot my screen
melted

92. The way the light reflects off the angles of your head is extremely
enchanting.

93. in Old English:
Ich grethe ¨­ae, maec Cwen.

(I greet you, my Queen)

In latin:
You can’t decline quinque sex, baby.

(Note: quinque is pronounced “kinky”)

94.I don’t know if you’re in my range, but I’d sure like to take you home
to my domain.

** 95. Hey baby. Want to squeeze my theorem while I poly your nomial?

96. Hey baby, I’m like a rubix cube. THe more you play with me, the harder
I get.

97. You’re so hot, you must be the cause for global warming.

98. Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity or time
approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.

99. Your body has the nicest arc length I’ve ever seen.”

100. I hope you know set theory because I want to intersect you and union
you.

101. You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.

102. Can I be the phasor to your electron and take you to an excited state?

103. Let’s make like a transcription factor and response element and turn
things on.

104. If I were a Shwann cell, I’d squeeze areound your axon and give you a
fast action potential.

105. You must be an asymptote, because I just find myself getting closer
and closer to you.

106. You’re as sweet at 3.14.

107. You must be massive because I’m attracted to you.

108. I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address to your home page!

109. You fascinate me more than the fundamental theorem of calculus.

110. My love for you is like a concave function’s positive first
derivative, because it’s always increasing.

111. Let’s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.

112. Why don’t we measure the coefficient of static friction between me and
you?

113. You’re hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!

114. Baby, together U and I make uranium iodide (UI3)

115. If I were an assembly language, I’d jump to your address, shift right
a bit, push it in, pop it out, load a byte into your accumulator, then
jump if you’re negative.

116. In Euclidean geometry two parallel lines never touch … let’s go back
to my place and study some non-Euclidean geometry.

117. My vector has a really large magnitude. Would you care to normalize
it?

118. Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF. All my base are belong to you.

119. I 1-sin(theta) you.

120. You and I must have the same natural frequency, because we resonate
together.

121. The surface of my cylinder is not a compact metric space.

122. Most women are so complex. They’re always like “i! i! i!” But you -
you’re just so real. (Note: i! does not mean i factorial.)

123. My love for you is like the slope of a concave up function because
it’s always increasing.

124. Can I plug my solution into your equation?

125. The volume of a general cylinder was known for thousands of years, but
you won

126. i want to go through your every procedure, Do your Loops, and program
your Booleans

127. I wish I were a predicate so I could be the direct object of your
affection.

128. I think if you and i had Hex we’d be a perfect OA

129. Can I bombard your singularity with my rocket ship until you
supernova?

130. you are the log(base 10) 10^1…

131. Let’s work out our orbicularis oris muscles together!
*orbicularis oris = kissing muscles

132. I’ve been secant you for a long time

133. The direction fields of my heart all point to you

134. Want to be my substrate/enzyme?

135. You have 206 bones in your body… want one more?

136. Chem students do it on the table periodically

137. If you let me work hard enough, I can give you a dipole moment

138. I love you like an unspoken metaphor. That’s why I had to use a
simile.

139. Instead of being the derivative, id much rather be the secant so i can
touch u not only once, but twice

** 140. Lets make love like pi; irrational and never ending

141. I’ve been secant you for a long time

142. The direction fields of my heart all point to you

143. baby lets measure the amplitude of our physical wave

144. baby you’re the basis of my mind. no matter what i think of, it all
comes back to you

145. Maybe later we can go over to my place and titrate until you reach
your end-point…

146. The word of the day is “Legs”, lets go back to my place and spread the
word

147. Baby, you must be a pile of dinosaur bones, cause I dig you!

148. Baby, you’re body is like a hyperbola

149. Baby, you’re like a pendulum… you’ll only stop when I damp you

150. Are you the square root of 2? because I feel irrational when I’m
around you

151. Being with you is like switching to polar coordinates: complex and
imaginary things now have a magnitude and direction.

152. Our love is more perfect than 6.
(Six is the first perfect number)

153. You can put a Trojan in my Hard Drive anytime

154. Baby you must be a modulus sign, ‘cos whenever you wrap your arms
round me i always feel positive!

155. Baby, I’m like an oceanic plate on a gravity slide - I can’t wait to
subduct beneath your crust!

156. You’re so hot you denature my proteins

157. Baby you know this shit isn’t USB2.0..it’s firewire!

158. Let’s just cut to the chase, I wanna hotsync your PDA.

159. Nobody turns me on from a cold boot like you.

160. Don’t worry honey, they call it my dual-channel RAM.

161. If you were Anatomy, then I’d be Physiology because they always go
together!

162. Want to make the Cold War hot?

163. My court packing plan isn’t my only packing plan…

164. Want to play War of 1812? I’ll light your White House on fire…

165. There’s a reason they say I started the Era of Good Feelings…

166. Can I annex your territory after class?

167. Do you want to help me with my project on the tit- I’m sorry, TET
Offensive?

168. I’ll be your Secretary of the Interior…

169. I bet if Jefferson had met you, he would have vetoed the
Non-Intercourse Act.

170. Want to go back to my place and discuss Big Stick Diplomacy?

171. Want to reenact the Battle of the Bulge?

172. If you were Anatomy, then I’d be Physiology because they always go
together!

173. Hey, up for some high-energy quantum tunnelling tonight?

174. If you were a concentration gradient I’d go down on you

175. Girl whenever I am near you, I undergo anaerobic respiration because
you take my breath away

176. If you were C6, and i were H12, all we would need is the air we
breathe to be sweeter than sugar…

177. we’ve been differentiating for too long, lets sum it up and integrate

178. you and i add up better than a riemann sum

179. my love for you is a monotonically increasing unbounded function

180. Your beauty defies real and complex analysis.

181. Your hottness is the only reason we can’t reach absolute zero.

182. I use my rod of infinite length for more than just simplifying
calculations…

183. You must be a magnetic monopole because all i get from you is
attraction

184. My love for you is like pi, it’s never-ending.

185. I wish we were in telophase, cause then I could admire your cleavage.”

186. Let’s make our slopes zero (slope of zero means horizontal => bed)

187. baby you must be O2 cuz i m about to combust all over you

188. I just bought a molecular model kit, want to play with my stick and
balls?

189.¡î-1) 2-2sin¥è ¡òdu
¡î-1) = i
2-2sin¥è = cardiod graph (heart)
¡òdu = u

190. Forget hydrogen you’re my number one element

191. You’re cute, I’m cute, together we’re 2cute!

192. you are like a proton in my core–without you i could never be the
same.

193. Hey baby, wanna form a synapse with me and exchange neurotransmitters?

194. Baby, if you were oceanic crust and I was a continent, I’d let you
subduct so we can make hot hot magma.

195. I do believe I am your reciprocal; we will be one when we multiply.

196. Hey baby, wanna form a zygote?

197. If I’m the Riemann zeta function, you must be s=1.

198. You’re a moving electric charge, and I’m a moving magnetic charge…
Wanna flux?

199. If I toss a fair coin, what are my chances of getting head?

200. hey baby, do you need an anatomy tutor? They say i’m the best because
i prefer to use a more HANDS-ON approach.

201. Baby, if they made you in Java, you’d be the object of my desire.

202. Baby, if they made you in C, you would have a pointer to my heart.

203. Baby, if they made you in Haskell, it would infer that you were just
my type.

204. You’re like a Universal Turing Machine; you’re the only one that I’ll
ever need.

205. Like a quantum computation, our paths are entangled.

206. You’re like an NP-hard problem of significant size; I could spend the
rest of my life with you.

207. If I could program the universe, I would allocate you and I in
contiguous memory blocks.

208. If I was an operating system, your process would have top priority.

209. Like a graph with n^2 edges, you complete me.

210. Are you a non volitaile particle? Because you raise my boiling point.

211. If I went binary, you would be the 1 for me.

212. my hypothalamus must be secreting serotonin because baby, i want you!

213. i’m sine and you’re cosine, wanna make like a tangent?

214. I sure hope our coefficient of restitution is 0, ‘cos when we make
contact i never want to part!

215. My love is like communism; everyone gets a share, and it’s only good
in theory.

216. You + Me = The number of sides in a Mobius Strip

217. Hey baby, let’s make a stress-strain curve together.

218. I don’t need neurons to stimulate your sensory system.

219. Let ‘u’ and ‘i’ be irrational integers such that a real non-monotonic
relationship exists for all T = {0 … infinity}

220. you must be absolute, because every time you’re around me, i feel
positive

221. Hey baby, can I be your enzyme? because my active site is dying for a
chemical reaction.

222. Why don’t you remove those barriers to imports? It will ease my
inflation and the benefits will trickle down.

223. how about you Palmitoylate my protein, so i can drive it into your
lipid raft.

For the music nerds out there:
1. I just broke my G-string. Can I borrow yours?

2. Let’s measure the interval between me, you, and our clothes all off.

3. Hey baby, how do you like my Grand Staff?

4. Our voices are more than an octave apart. Let’s get a little closer.

5. Want to make some parallel motion back to my place?

6. Hey, baby, I have a special new mute for your f hole.

7. How bout you come over here and let me put my damp-it in your f-hole.

8. Can we find the counter-point motion on my (your) Grand Staff?

9. If you rub lubricant on my (trombone) slide, it moves faster and gets
longer, wanna see?

10. A mouthpiece isn’t the only place I like to put my lips.

11. I’d like to finger your fret board.

12. How about you act like a fermata and let me hold you.

13. The theme of this movement is love… Let’s develop it…

14. I’d tap that snare drum.
(also works with “I’d bang that bass drum”).

15. Is that a drumstick, or are you just happy to see me?

16. How ’bout you call a friend, and we can experiment with triplets

17. hey baby, lets make like Common Tones and i’ll Resolve to take you Home

18. you must be augmented cause my love for you just won’t diminish!

19. let’s do something romantic cause I’m baroque!

20. Will your adjust your note and resolve my raised member?

21. I want to make you tremolo.

22. Band: “are you french-horny for my trom-boner?”

23. Hey baby… you know, pianists do it with ten fingers.

24. I want to rosin your bow.

25. How many positions can you get into?

26. The cello is the sexiest instrument: its large, goes between your legs,
and vibrates.

27. Im gonna make you go up an octave

28. I want to make you hit a high note.

29. Can I play with your tremolo arm?

30. I want to go up and down all your scales.

31. baby, you’d better lower your pitch, ’cause right now, you’re lookin’
sharp!

32. I wish you were an augmented 6 chord so you could bring resolution to
my raised member.

33. Baby, you know soprano’s do it on top, but I’d be willing to be an alto
for you

“In america, a black C student, can’t run a major company, infact they can’t even be the manager of a burger king store, meanwhile, a white C student, just so happen to be the president of America…”

-Chris Rock

Us men will never win an argument with women, because we have the need to make sense

-Chris Rock

You wonder don’t you…well here’s why:

We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from
the male side. These are our rules! Please note… these are all numbered
“1″ ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to
act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no Idea
what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing,”
we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not
worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you
don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine …
Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as sports, the weather, or hunting.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight; but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Credit: Benefits Links