Andu|Blog

Aquinas - Two. One to mix the martinis and one to phone the electrician.

PLC - One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her

MLC - Four. One to smash the glass ceiling so that they can get to the top of the ladder, one to install the globe and two to check that it’s brighter than PLC’s

Guildford Grammar - Two. One to change the bulb and one to crack under the pressure.

Perth College - Depends, could be one, could be ten, no-one is prepared to commit unless the Guildford Grammar boys are definitely going to be there.

Governor Stirling Senior High - Two. One to change the bulb and one to figure out how to get high off the old one.

St Hilda’s - One. She’ll put through a call to maintenance staff because there’s no way she’s going to do manual labour.

Hale - Two. One to install the new bulb completely powered by testosterone and one to brag about it loudly.

Murdoch Uni - Six. One to change the bulb and five to support its sexual orientation.

Mercedes College - Five. One to change the bulb, two to reassure her that she doesn’t look fat at the top of the ladder and two to circulate photos showing that she does.

Trinity - Sixteen. One to send out the invitations, two to get the beer, one to change the bulb, one to buy Ralph Lauren polo’s for everyone, two to smuggle the chicks in and one to keep watch for the head master. The second eight just need to be ready to back them up.

Swan Valley Christian School - Two. One human and God just to make sure the light shelters all in need, whether it be for food, shelter..blah blah f**kin blah…

Curtin Uni - Five. One to design a nuclear powered one that never needs changing, two to install it, one to write the computer programme that controls the switch and one to rig the vending machine.

WAAPA - Five. One to change the globe and four to do an interpretive dance about it.

CBC Fremantle - None. They’re all too drunk to notice.

Edith Cowan Uni- Eleven. One to change it and ten to share the experience.

Rossmoyne Senior High - Two. One to change the bulb and one to write to the Sunday Times about how she did it as well as any private school student.

Swanview High - None. They’re all down at Midland station having a ciggie.

Eastern Hills Senior High - Ten. One to change it and one to buy the hair gel to impress and ultimately lay the Swanview chicks,while the rest compete wiv da Christian Bruvvers for da turf (Midland Station).

Mirrabooka High - None. That hole looks better in the dark.

UWA - Fifteen. One to change it and the rest to walk around as if they own the place and talk it up.

Bond Uni - Two. One to change it but only after the other one has found an interpreter to translate the English instructions.

Central College of TAFE - 20. One to change the bulb, two to pop down to the markets to buy wool to make a macramé a jacquard shade for it in the new season’s colours, one to photograph the naked bulb in-situ from 300 angles, three to arrange the art exhibition for the jacquard shade, the rest to make vapid comments and drink Great Western ‘champagne’ at the opening.

Muresk Agricultural College - Seventy six. One to change the globe. Fifty to protest the globe’s right not to change and twenty five to stage a counter protest.

New Norcia College - None. Those poor bastards are keeping their backs to the wall even if it means standing in the dark.

St Brigid’s College - Five, one to screw it in, two to laugh about the word screw and two to message the Mazenod boys about it.

Mazenod - Three, one to get word around that the St Brigid’s girls are talking about a screw, one to replace the bulb and one to pray that they get it done in time to beat the local public school boys to the St Brigid’s party.

Christ Church Grammar School - None. It’s too hard to find a new globe with their Armani sunglasses on.

John Curtin Senior High - Two. One student and one teacher but not before they make out.

Balga Senior High School - Five. One to change it and four to cruise the street for the perfect Puff Daddy style outfit to steal off someone to wear for the occasion.

Bunbury Senior High - Five. One to change it, and four to go to Target and nick new flannelette shirts to wear for the occasion.

Girrawheen Senior High School - Ten. One to change the bulb, two to negotiate a pay off to rival gangs to prevent anything going down during the change and the rest to stake out just in case.

Mirrabooka High - Nobody bothered to ask because nobody cares about Mirrabooka High.

Rockingham Senior High - Six. Two to break into the store, one to steal the globe, one to install it and two to help him reach the socket using their pregnant tummies as steps.

Notre Dame Uni - None. They brought notes from their guardians excusing them.

Perth Waldorf Steiner School - One, because she’s a unique, self motivated, individual.

Penhros - Three. One to change it and two to make sure her hair ribbons are still in place afterwards.

Perth Modern - The entire school. One to remove the perfectly good globe, two to work out how to dispose of it so that it’s dolphin safe, one to replace it with candles and the rest to sit on mats and express in words and music how they feel about the change.

St Mary’s Anglican Girls School - The girl who answered the phone said she was pleased to be included with the other schools but probably would never know the answer because her Daddy had said to phone immediately if the maintenance man made any disgusting suggestions.

UWA Conservatorium - Forty Three. One to change the globe and a 42 piece orchestra to accompany him.

Iona Presentation College - Two. One to change the bulb and one to phone daddy to pay for it.

Scotch College- Three. One to put in a formal complaint about the imposition, one to change the bulb and one to make the observation that it isn’t half as bright as the light shining from their arses.